1. Conservatories Leak Information
(News/Whitley Bay)

...servatory mole. Bay Animal Activists are reported to have offered the beleaguered animal sanctuary. Former footballer Paul Gascoigne has links with both the North East and Glasgow but has vigourously...

2. World Cup to be transferred to Whitley Bay Links
(News/Whitley Bay)

...n. Betty Pierce, owner of the Greasy Slab in Park view said: "I can't wait to serve all those sexy footballers with pie and chips!" The grassy area of Whitley Bay Links is already bei...

3. NUFC to be bought and moved
(Sport/Newcastle)

A rich Texas Billionaire has offered to buy the entire team, and then move it to America.Douglas Hall has today announced a shock plan to help NUFCs current financial crisis that will send fans

4. New National Stadium set for Howdon
(Sport/Newcastle)

... thought to be forthcoming from Southerners, although it has to be pointed out they don't have any real football teams down there in any case. Local residents are said to be "thrilled"...

5. Reid To Solve Delivery Crisis
(Sport/Sunderland)

Sources close to Sunderland Football Club today revealed that Peter Reid is to solve Kevin Phillips delivery crisis.For a number of months now it has been seen that pint-sized Phillips cannot create

6. Housing Estates and Streets to be Renamed
(News/Whitley Bay)

...d Upper Valehead. Silly names such as Sunningdale and Sandown etc. will be abolished and named after famous football teams, like Hamilton Academicals and Accrington Stanley instead. A local resident -...

7. Newcastle players sent home for good behaviour
(Sport/Newcastle)

...Newcastle United president Sir John Hall. The four players have a reputation for being the good boys of football, but excelled themselves at the dinner where they dressed in smart dinner suits, at...

8. Local man misses out on £1 million winnings
(News/Whitley Bay)

...;super rich". In 1994 he was prevented from scooping the pools jackpot merely by an unfortunate set of football results, and in early 2001 he was just six numbers away from taking home a National...

9. Lighthouse to become nightclub
(News/Whitley Bay)

...y Bay Lighthouse into a high class Nightclub called the White House. The brothers, backed by wealthy local footballer Paul Gascoigne, unveiled the plans before a gathered crowd of excited drinkers at...

10. No link between watching sport and being 'hard'
(News/Whitley Bay)

... at it," which he says he is again proven by the Whitley Warriors supporters analogy, along with their footballing neighbours. "Despite the supporters of both teams often playing the games t...

11. Posh and Becks arrive in the Bay
(News/Whitley Bay)

...line voice than his father. In a bid to get a discount on the caravan, David suggested that he would take football coaching sesions and Victoria would perform at night. However, caravan park officia...

12. Geordie Outrage at "funny" WH smith ad
(News/Newcastle)

...and decorations, only for his Geordie 'relatives' to be revealed as obese people in Black and White football shirts and with flatulence. As Dougie explained, "It purrus right off me dinna...

13. Stripes for the Tyne this New Year
(News/Newcastle)

... Asked how the water would be frozen, Mr Tapp concluded, "We plan to drag an iceberg the size of fifty football pitches from Greenland. It will be cut into strips with some strips injected with t...

14. Newcastle Bridges To Be Painted Red And White
(News/Newcastle)

...t. To make it fair when choosing the colours, we both agreed that we would take one of the colours from our football teams. I chose white straight away leaving them with only one choice left. I must a...